Episode 126 - Humble Confidence

How to assert yourself and stay humble at the same time!

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I don’t know about you but I was never the popular kid at school. I had friends in lots of different groups.

On the weekend my beautiful daughter graduated High School and I got a really close glimpse into the world of a 17/18 year old girl in particular. Because with the pandemic there hasn’t been a lot of socialising obviously it’s been a strange almost year and a half.

And the whole experience which was amazing and I”m so proud of the person she is made me think about the dynamics in the music business when it comes to the social aspect.

And how intertwined the social and business is in music. Unlike in other industries where you go to work and come home and it’s all just business, for us it’s life, and personal and business and how that affects the way people interact and act around others.

And I was thinking how incredibly difficult it is for different personalities to co-exist in the industry. A lot of musicians are extremely introverted by nature some are not at all. And those that aren’t find it a bit easier to do the public stuff for sure. Those that are introverted like me often struggle hard with this.

One of the things that I hear from people a lot is that it’s not the music, the creation of the music or getting that done etc. It’s dealing with the people, the personalities. So I wanted to talk to those of you who are more introverted and perhaps have trouble asserting yourself sometimes and give you some guidelines or as I call them “rules of engagement for the music business”. These have helped me over time immensely.

Always ask for what you need
- Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. It’s hard to do when you’re not extroverted but this is the first thing I learned in the business. Ask for the amount you need, ask for the equipment you need, ask for the information you need and the contacts you need. Without that you wind up feeling like you are being trampled all over. And that’s not empowering at all.
If you have to be pushy, BE KIND & NICE about it.
- This one I have used over and over again.
- In our business it can be quite a regular thing to be waiting on something from someone, most of the time.
- If someone has promised you that lyric video or that graphic and you’re waiting for them still.
- Take your time drafting a nice, kind and yet “I really need it” message.
- The way that I do this, is that I put myself in their shoes. I ask myself if I was the person receiving this what might make me want to double down and get this done for this person.
- Appreciation of what they doing for you and their skill set.
- Appreciation of what you don’t know about that might be stopping them from getting it done.
Have Humble Confidence – This is the same as “don’t be pushed around”.
- Women in particular say that they struggle a bit with this one, because there is this idea out there that a really confident woman is aggressive. And that’s just not true.
- I’ve been slapped with the “bitch” label a few times, when I’ve had to stand up for myself and I’d do it again tomorrow if I had to that’s okay with you.
- But this goes for everyone, every gender, every person. Find the confidence within you and when you need to express it be HUMBLE about it.
- Humble Confidence means that you’re able to assert yourself and be confident without trying to take anyone else down or get in front of anyone else.
- If there is one thing that I cannot stand it’s artists who are arrogant in their pursuit of their dreams and don’t care who they trample over in the process.
- Artists who blatantly pilfer ideas, contacts and moments away from others. Don’t be that guy or gal folks, Don’t be!